Too Cool: Batwomen gets her own book after having come out

So I don't follow comics anymore and am a tad late on part of this story. Sue me. But this is Too Cool to miss: Batwoman, who has been an out lesbian since 2006, is getting the starring role in her own series. The Times says this is the first release by a major American comic publisher with a lesbian or gay character in the title role.

I don't suppose comics are as cheap as they used to be?

Houston elects lesbian mayor

Wow. Houston just became the first major American city to elect an openly gay person mayor. Congratulations Annise Parker!

Thank you Meredith Baxter & welcome to the world of being out

TV mom Meredith Baxter just went on The Today Show with one goal: To out herself. You gotta love a woman with courage. "If you knew me before and cared about me before," she said, "I'm the same woman now."

The video is worth watching. She sounded a little nervous, but all I can say to her is "Thank You." Matt Lauer also deserves kudos for formulating "the most important question" as "are you happy?"

Arrested lesbian homeowner says all she did was ask a question

Here's the full statement from Shari Barman, the host of a Democratic political fundraiser who was arrested by a California deputy.

Icelander becomes first out gay elected to lead a nation

Johanna Sigurdardottir leads her party to victory in Iceland. First appointed prime minister of the economically strapped country, she has now been elected to the post. Congratulations!

It's Official: New report drives stake through the myth of the rich gay

Just about anyone who is lesbian or gay knows that the stereotype of the wealthy queer is a ridiculous myth. Today, though, we got confirmation of that fact from a new study by UCLA's Williams Institute.

The heart of the matter: “The myth of gay and lesbian affluence is just that — a myth,” the report says. “Lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals are as likely to be poor as are heterosexuals.”

In some cases, queer folk are much more likely to be poor than straights. Leading the way in the poverty sweepstakes are -- ta dah! -- lesbian couples and our families, who are "much more likely to be poor than heterosexual couples and their families."

Once again, this isn't news to those of us who live in the real world, but it is good to see the evidence presented. By the way, this is the first scientific analysis of the poor and low-income lesbian, gay and bisexual population. Every other "study" of LGBT wealth has either been a marketing ploy or a pipe dream.

On Becoming Public Enemy No. 1

Honestly, I'm speechless, and scratching Dubai off my list of countries to visit. Can anyone say "scapegoat?"

(T)he word "scapegoat" has come to mean a person, often innocent, who is blamed and punished for the sins, crimes, or sufferings of others, generally as a way of distracting attention from the real causes.

Batwoman comes out

Very cool. I grew up reading superhero comics, but haven't bought one in years. Seems like I might need to take up my old comic book habit again.

Lesbian given worst job

The news that financially desperate Iceland is getting an openly lesbian prime minister reminds me of The Onion's Nov. 5 headline: "Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job."

Meanwhile, Icelanders say they want 66-year-old Johanna Sigurdardottir to take over because she appears to have one important quality:

"It's a question of trust, people believe that she actually cares about people," said Olafur Hardarson, a political scientist at the University of Iceland.

Wow. What a revolutionary concept. Congratulations Johanna, and good luck. You'll need it.

Why I like Rachel Maddow

New MSNBC host Rachel Maddow has made me a fan with the depth of her knowledge and her light touch, and I'm not alone.

The American Prospect writes:

She is liberal without apology or embarrassment, bases her authority on a deep comprehension of policy rather than the culture warrior's claim to authenticity, and does it all with a light, even slightly mocking, touch. She proves that liberals can attract viewers on television when they actually act like, well, liberals.

Maddow actually steers the conversation on TV to substance. And then there's this:

She is in some ways the first post-Bush liberal pundit, having arrived on the national scene at a time when the country was collectively fed up with the Bush years and audiences were genuinely ready to hear liberal perspectives.

The times really are changing.

Barack Obama is among the many paying tribute to Del Martin

On the eve of a presidential nominee's acceptance speech, it's both surprising and delightful to hear praise for an LGBT American. Barack Obama has issued a statement doing just that. The statement:

“Michelle and I were deeply saddened to hear that Del Martin had passed. Del committed her life to fighting discrimination and promoting equality. Our thoughts and prayers go out to her spouse Phyllis Lyon, and all those who were touched by her life.”

USA Today has a quote from Nancy Pelosi:

"The loss of Del Martin is a great loss for me personally, and for our entire community," said Nancy Pelosi, speaker of the House and longtime friend. "Del was an extraordinary woman. Her grace, courage and commitment were a source of strength to all who knew her."

Pam's House Blend has other tributes to Martin.

Obituaries have appeared in:

The New York Times

The San Francisco Chronicle

Bay Area Reporter

PageOneQ

San Francisco Bay Guardian

Gaywired.com has an interesting take entitled "Goodbye Del Martin...And Now the Fight Begins."

PHOTO: Del Martin. The full photo is at GayWired, and yes, that's Phyllis Lyon sitting next to her.

Honor Del Martin by helping defeat hate in November

Phyllis Lyon issued this statement through the National Center for Lesbian Rights.

“Ever since I met Del 55 years ago, I could never imagine a day would come when she wouldn’t be by my side. I am so lucky to have known her, loved her, and been her partner in all things,” Lyon said. “I also never imagined there would be a day that we would actually be able to get married. I am devastated, but I take some solace in knowing we were able to enjoy the ultimate rite of love and commitment before she passed.”

Gifts in lieu of flowers can be made to honor Del’s life and commitment and to defeat the California marriage ban through the Center's No On 8 PAC at www.nclrights.org/NoOn8.

The Center also posted a detailed obituary about Del's life.

Mourning Del Martin

Word has come that longtime lesbian activist Del Martin died this morning in San Francisco. She was 87. Her wife and partner of 55 years, Phyllis Lyon, was at her side. They were together almost as long as I have been alive.

I never met Del, but I take this loss personally. She and Phyllis were there for me when I came out, and they did it through their 1972 book Lesbian/Woman.

I'll never forget running into an East Lansing, Mich., bookstore in 1979 and looking around furtively to see if anyone was watching me. My hand shook as I handed over the book and my money to the store clerk. I was scared to even buy a book about lesbians, yet that simple volume taught me that not only is there no shame in living authentically, but it is the most important path a human being can walk.

TerranceDC heard the news at the LGBT Caucus at the Democratic National Convention. He happened to be standing next to San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, who had performed marriage ceremonies for the couple twice. The second ceremony came on the day same-sex marriag became legal in California. Newsom put their love for each other and their lives in perspective. Here is Terrance's paraphrase of just some of the mayor's comments:

They are two people who defined love and constancy, and defined — to my mind — what marriage is supposed to be about.

Thank you Del for helping to change my life. My heart goes out to Phyllis.

PHOTO: Phyllis Lyon, left, and Del Martin, right, on the day of their first marriage ceremony. The full photo is at the San Francisco Sentinel.

Ranting about taxes & being gay

By Diane Silver

In my latest Hope & Politics column, I mull over what April 15 means to a lesbian. (Can you say "rant?" Can you say "second-class citizenship?")

A lesbian ponders the thrills & spills of Super Tuesday

By Diane Silver

I'm pleased to announce that The Progressive Media Project has distributed my newest op-ed nationally. The column starts:

As a lesbian, I’m more exhilarated and infuriated by this year’s presidential campaign than I’ve ever been before. And at 55, I’ve seen more than a few presidential bouts.

Read more.

The reality of lesbian parenting has nothing to do with "playing house."

By Diane Silver

Loving a child isn't playing.

Cleaning him up when he's been sick in the middle of the night, sitting with him when he's terrified, holding him when he's in despair, disciplining him when he's making mistakes, guiding him when he needs a push in the right direction, paying for his bills, celebrating his joys and going to his baseball games, football games and band concerts... none of these things has anything to do with "playing house."

Most people understand this. I certainly know this as a lesbian and a parent.

Unfortunately, Stephen Bennett, a spokesperson for Concerned Women of America, thinks that who loves a child is more important than how well they love and how well they parent.

In his tirade against Mary Cheney and Heather Poe and the simple fact that they are parents, Bennnett misses the point that anyone who has ever raised a child should know: It's not who you are, but what you do that makes a difference in a child's life.

Children are too important for anything else to be true. Children are too important to be turned into political props. Children are too important and good, sane parents who can help children grow up strong and well loved are too rare for any qualified, willing parents to be turned away.

I find myself, once again, in the odd position of praising Dick and Lynne Cheney. While I do not agree with any of the vice president's politics, I cannot do anything but praise him for understanding that all of his grandchildren deserve to be accepted and loved. I would have been delighted to see Mary and Heather in the photo with the vice president and his wife, but the fact that the photo and its cutline are on the White House site says a lot about the truth of families.

How fitting that all of this brouhaha should occur just in time for the 2nd Annual Blogging for LGBT Families, which is being organized by Mombian.

I offer this humble post as part of that project. Below are links to some of my other posts about my lesbian-headed household.

Winning the lesbian parent marathon
On my son turning 18 and the issues of custody in a homophobic world.

Living with a target on your back
On the terror of living in a conservative state where ministers and politicians actively work to undermine your family.

Committing family
On how extended families learn that love is what makes a family, not sexual orientation.

Why I support the domestic partner registry
On a recent local controversy and how anti-gay laws hurt children and families.

Kansas: Why I support a domestic partner registry

By Diane Silver

Fourteen years ago, my life partner died of breast cancer, and it felt like I had fallen into an abyss. It felt as if the wind was rushing past my ears. Nothing was solid. No matter how far I stretched out my arms there was nothing to hold onto. At any moment I knew I’d hit a bottom I couldn’t even see, and the pain would be crushing.

I thought, that will hurt.

I thought, but what a relief. Such a death will end my grief.

All those days ago, all that pain ago, I couldn’t allow myself to die, though. I had a child. Seven years old. I had lost my life partner, but he had lost his mother.

While I was learning how to breathe again every morning when I woke up and realized that she was dead… and while I was fumbling to understand how to raise a child alone, the issue of insurance arose.

An insurance company said that I had no relationship with my late life partner. The company declared that our life together had simply never existed. They said this was what they called a “Housekeeper Situation.” That’s when a housekeeper moves in to take care of a terminally ill person, and then takes all of that poor soul’s estate.

In essence, that company said I had never held my late partner, I had never cried with her, I had never laughed with her. In effect, that company said the two of us had never fallen asleep holding hands. That company said the two of us had never gotten up in the middle of the night to take care of a sick child.

Every moment, every hour, day, month and year that we had been a household was simply declared to have never existed.

And there was no legal way I could prove that they had.

I was lucky, though. My partner and I had appeared on TV and in the newspaper talking about our relationship. We were activists. We were visible. Those appearances helped my lawyer prove that we really were a domestic partnership.

That’s why I support a domestic partner registry for Lawrence. The honest citizens of this town shouldn’t have to go on TV to prove the existence of their partnerships.

Passing this registry takes nothing from anyone, yet it helps many people. It’s the right thing to do. It’s the only fair thing to do.
-------------
For information about how a domestic partner registry works, see Just the Facts: Domestic partner registries stretch across the U.S. & present few problems.

PHOTO: That's me, our son and my late partner Patty at our son's third birthday party.

Jerry Falwell is dead, & this lesbian is sad

By Diane Silver

Wow. I just saw the news on the Washington Post. One of the founders of the modern religious right, Jerry Falwell, has died at age 73.

If you want the angry reaction to Falwell, look here at Americablog.

Everything John Aravosis says in that post is true.

Falwell caused a lot of pain and hurt many people. His rhetoric may well have fueled laws that helped break families apart and take children from loving parents. His words gave gay bashers an excuse to assault anyone they thought was queer.

I'm not going to talk right now about his impact on choice, the rights of women and other issues. I'm not going to talk about the political work he did through the Moral Majority and all those hurt by it, or the impact of Liberty University, or go into detail on how he seemed to demonize everyone who didn't agree with him.

All of that is true, but I'm not dancing today. I'm not shouting for joy because a human being is dead, and truthfully, I don't think that's what Aravosis is doing. He's angry and fearful, and he and all Americans have a right to be angry and scared.

At this moment, though, I don't seem to be able to work up any indignation. I'm a lesbian. Falwell hurt my people, hurt me, in a thousand ways, yet in this moment all I feel is sadness.

I'm sure Falwell has a family. I'm sure he has loved ones and children and friends who will miss him enormously. My sadness has a bit to do with mourning the death of anyone, but even that's not all of what I feel.

My sadness is over the loss of a chance. Falwell, apparently, was never able to come close to a loving God, the God of inclusion, the God of welcome. If he had, he wouldn't have been able to say or do what he did. He must have carried a lot of pain to not be able to see that all-inclusive God of love. For that lost chance, for Falwell's lost chance, I mourn.

May his family, friends and loved ones find peace and support in dealing with their loss.

The Lesbian IHOP saga continues & I contemplate the horrors of affection

By Diane Silver

We're back today to the lesbians-thrown-out-of-IHOP story via Kansas City Star columnist Mike Hendricks. He discusses the reaction to his first column and IHOP's defense, which boils down to: Hey, they kissed more than once! And, oh yeah, we only asked them to cool it. And, hey, did we say they kissed each other; isn't that yucky?

When asked to respond, the women accused of all that unseemly same-sex kissing say IHOP's comments aren't even close to the truth.

There is no way to tell exactly what anyone did or didn't do. I wasn't there. Hendricks wasn't there, and I have yet to hear from anyone who was. As far as I know, there isn't any video of the incident.

However, I find this all very interesting because I have sat through many restaurant meals, concerts, meetings and assorted other gatherings where young heterosexuals were pawing each other, and I'm not talking about just a kiss. I have seldom (actually, can't think of ever) seen straight folk asked to leave anywhere for expressing any kind of affection.

I have seen lesbians and gays hassled, threatened, beaten for doing nothing more than holding hands. Actually, I've known of gays who were beaten for doing nothing more than walking out of a gay bar.

As a lesbian, I never reach out to hold the hand of my honey without first checking to make certain I'm in a place where I think/hope/pray I'll be safe from physical assault. I have yet to hear of a straight couple who even thought twice about doing the same thing. That's because people react differently to affection shown between straights and gays.

Gosh, I feel like I'm saying something that is blindingly obvious. Is this really news to anyone?

So, what really happened in that Grandview, Mo., IHOP may well be in the eyes of the beholder. For a straight person who thinks any kind of affection between lesbians or gays is awful, even the smallest peck, even the sweetest hand-hold would have been repulsive.

For those of us who are gay, the lesson will be what we've always known: Reach out to your loved ones at your own peril.

The lesbian and the fundamentalists

I am a lesbian, feminist, single mother whose spirituality is closer to New Age and Buddhism than Christianity. This spring I battled the constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage and civil unions in Kansas. Imagine my surprise when I realized how much I have in common with fundamentalists.

We don’t subscribe to the same theology or the same politics. We might scream at each other if forced into the same room for more than five minutes. However, we do share one important thing: We both sense a hole in our culture.

This hole is the empty place left by the absence of spirit, or if you prefer, religion in American society. It’s a hole created by a web of ideas that push people away from pursuing any form of spirituality. If a person is religious, this absence keeps many people, particularly those from the political left, from speaking out about their beliefs.

The hole is widened by the idea that if you can’t measure something it doesn’t exist. It’s deepened by the belief that anyone who is religious is deluded or superstitious and that no sane, educated person would be that way. More than that, this hole is turned into a chasm by the idea that religion has nothing to add to our struggle to survive in a post-9/11, post-Katrina world.

We live in a time where a subway ride can be a death sentence and our government – the so-called good guys -- condone torture. This is a time when the people we voted into power can’t even carry out the most basic of governmental tasks, which is to help people after a natural disaster.

Meanwhile, our jobs can be, or already have been, shipped overseas. Technology and culture change so quickly that even an old socially radical, Internet junkie like me can feel out of date in a matter of minutes. (They’re doing what at my son’s school? What the heck is a podcast?) All of this goes on, of course, against the backdrop of the heartbreak, illness and death -- the normal tragedies of life.

We stand on ground that’s shaking beneath our feet, and we have no way of knowing when this quake will end. In all of this, I can’t see how we can ignore anything that can bring us some perspective, maybe some solace, and perhaps even a bit of ethical or moral analysis.

More than that, I’m sick and tired of having to justify a belief that is as real to me as the twitter of birds or the crisp smell of fresh snow in my native Michigan. Pretending not to believe is like cutting off my arm and smiling while I hide the fact that I’m bleeding. It is no less destructive to my soul than hiding the fact that I’m a lesbian.

This blog entry is a plea, or perhaps even a challenge, to all those of a secular bent who think only fools have faith: Stop forcing me to lie. Stop ridiculing those who see a nonmaterial world where all you see is material. Stop claiming that talk of morality is based on immature superstition. We who believe are not necessarily your enemy any more than everyone who is secular is always your friend.

It’s not the believing that sets us up in opposition. It’s what we do with our beliefs.

This is where I part company with many fundamentalists. I believe there are many paths up the mountain to enlightenment, or if you prefer, to God. I believe there are many paths to morality, including secular paths.

The desperate need of some strands of Christianity and Islam to force people to live the same way they do, believe what they believe and to impose their laws on the rest of us is truly terrifying.

This is dictatorship at its worst. Whether imposed by violence, as some Islamic fundamentalists try to do, or by a political takeover, as some Christian fundamentalists want to do here, this impulse to mold everyone into one image could well destroy us all.

I stand in a decidedly odd place.

I am terrified of fundamentalism and the apparent need of some of its followers to destroy the religious freedom that is the foundation of this country. At the same time, I stand with my fundamentalist brothers and sisters in acknowledging the importance of faith and spirit.

As much as we disagree, we do have common ground. Perhaps that can yet save us all.

10 Comments:

Mike said...

Hi, nice to see you blogging...I will be back often to hear what you have to say.

Take care,
-Mike Silverman

3:19 PM

Silver said...

Mike! Thanks so much for the hello. Mike, isn’t Red Letter Day, your blog? Folks, go over and check it out at: http://www.mikesilverman.com/log.html

5:15 PM

Anonymous said...

Great to see you blogging--I too will stop by often. -- LuAnn

8:36 PM

Nancy Jane said...

I was just reading the Utne Reader in the grocery checkout line and saw an article on religion that you might find interesting. Apparently some Christian fundamentalists are coming around to your political point of view -- they're finding they have more in common with you than they used to think, too. The article was mostly about a guy named Donald Miller, who is apparently making a name for himself in Christian publishing, but whose political heart is on the left. You might want to check him out.

7:42 PM

Silver said...

Thanks! I'll check that out.

11:32 AM

Pamela K Taylor said...

Hi Dianne,

As a progressive Muslim, I find a lot of what you say resonates with me, both in this post and others. The determination that there is only one true way and we must encourage/force everyone to follow it, is a scary thought, especially in the times we live in where people of all faiths or lack there of are increasingly brought together.

I don't know if you are familiar with Tikkun and its attempts to form a Network of Spiritual Progressives (I think that is what they are calling it.). You might be interested in their work, if you haven't heard of them. I think it is so important for progressive people who are spiritual to come together to work for justice, tolerance, and harmony.

Pamela Taylor
(broad universe member)
(Wiscon regular)

9:08 AM

Silver said...

Hi Pamela!

It's great to hear from you. We do live in frightening times, but I think there's also opportunity. Perhaps, we'll finally be able to confront the issue of religious tolerance in a positive way. I have to admit that getting to know you even as an acquaintance has helped smash some of my stereotypes about Muslims.

Thanks for the mention of Tikkun, http://www.tikkun.org/. I'm just becoming aware of their work.

11:55 AM

CarynMG said...

Hi there,

This is a wonderful piece, Diane, and I love the line about there being many paths to morality. One thing that constantly occurs to me is that we need to find ways to talk to each other -- the lesbian to the Christian fundamentalist, the Jew to the Muslim -- across the divides. I've seen amazing things happen when when civil dialogue -- and real listening -- can happen.
Caryn

9:04 PM

Eri said...

Hi Diane--I too live in Kansas and blog about some Kansas issues...
zwords.blogspot.com

Thanks for your informative posts and for your open-minded view.

--Eri

7:13 PM

Silver said...

Thanks so much Caryn and Eri for your comments and for reading this!

I don't always succeed, but I want to makeIn This Moment a place where civil dialogue can thrive. I worry, though, that such an approach is a sure-fire way to fall into Blog Oblivion. It seems as if speaking in a civil tone isn't the best way to get noticed in the overcroweded blogosphere. It will be interesting to see if folks come to a place where politics, hope and respect share the page.

5:47 PM