Sometimes I even bore myself

I’m in awe of my friend Jennifer Lawler, who writes so movingly about raising Jessica. I wish I had half of Jennifer’s talent. But this morning in meditation I finally stopped picking at myself for spending the last few days snarled up in a writer’s block. I realized that I wasn’t wrestling with my skill or talent because my struggle is about something far different: It’s about silencing.

Last week I was present at events that go to the heart of my quest for goodness. These were momentous, life changing events. (I kid you not.) If we lived in a perfect world, I would have written about those events already. But I can’t. I don’t mean that I can’t because I’m unable, I mean I can’t because to do so would be to put another person at risk.

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My Christianity problem, ctd.

I’m beginning to think I wrote a litmus test, not a blog post in Monday’s “Wherein I Confess To My Christianity Problem.” In comments I’ve received in private conversations, here on this blog, on Facebook and on Bilerico where I cross posted, the discussion has been interesting, to say the least.

Some people seem to only see my anger at Christians and cheer me on. Others say I’m stereotyping Christians and boo me. Still others say I’m stuck in the delusion that I must be OK with everyone no matter what they do to me. One guy at Bilerico called me a loser.

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Well done, Mr. President!

I've been rather critical of what I've seen as President Obama's foot dragging on LGBT rights, so much so that my anger made it into the Kansas City Star. But I have to send serious kudos to Obama for lending the force of the federal government to lesbians and gays whose spouses are ill and in the hospital. This is going to help an amazing number of people.

Here's the memo announcing the new order he just issued.

Why the census matters to LGBT folks, & why it makes me want to scream

This month you and me and all of our friends will receive census forms in the mail. Even though the forms, and the census itself, will pretend that large portions of the LGBT population don't exist, the 2010 census still represents an equality breakthrough, according to the activists closest to the big count.

This morning 365Gay.com published my article exploring LGBT America's twisted history with the Census Bureau and a second piece reporting how queer folks can guarantee that they will be counted.

The bad news is that the census will not ask about sexual orientation or gender identity. This means that single and widowed lesbians, gays and bisexuals will be magically assumed to be heterosexual. Transgendered Americans will be completely invisible.

Why does the census make me want to scream? Consider this:

The 2010 Census, however, will also put a huge hole in the LGBT population. While the census counts same-sex couples, it does not identify those who are widowed, divorced or single as being lesbian, gay or bisexual. Transgendered people will be counted as the gender they identify with, but they will not be identified as transgendered. This is because the form does not include a question about sexual orientation or gender identity.

This sets up some surreal situations. Consider the case of an elderly Massachusetts lesbian who is legally married to her long-term partner. If her spouse dies on March 31, the day before the census is taken, she would be eliminated from the count of same-sex couples. If her spouse dies on April 2, the day after Census Day, this woman’s lesbian identity would remain intact.

But there is good news -- and lots of it. The Census Bureau is making a greater effort than ever before to count same-sex couples, and that may well tip a multitude of civil rights battles in favor of LGB Americans. For more details, see 365Gay.

Good news out of Topeka, Kansas

A Kansas legislative committee has approved a bill outlawing discrimination against LGBT people. This is the second year the Senate committee has passed the bill, but it's the first time this has happened early enough in the session for the measure to have a chance of getting a floor vote.

Kudos to the Kansas Equality Coalition for pushing and pushing and pushing on this bill. At best, this can be called the beginning of the process, not the end, but it is always good to see a victory, particularly in bright red Kansas.

The money quote:

Sen. Roger Reitz, R-Manhattan, noted the national discussion about ending the military's "don't ask don't tell" policy.

"The bottom line," he said, "is we've gotten to a place we are finding these types of things are really not acceptable."

Disclosure Alert: I helped found the Kansas Equality Coalition, but I no longer serve on its board or work with the group.

Today's Must Read: The New Yorker on marriage equality & the Prop 8 case

Margaret Talbot has produced a beautifully researched and written story.

The Maine, Washington & elswhere electoral mess

Anyone who says they know exactly what yesterday's election means for the future of LGBTQ people is a blowhard and a liar. Yesterday's results were decidedly muddled.

Marriage equality lost yet again, this time in Maine. For anyone who's counting, and that is all of the MSM, that's 31 defeats for equality. Damn.

"Everything But Marriage" won in the state of Washington. The victory was narrow - 51.03 percent vs. 48.97 percent - but it was still a victory, of sorts, for LGBTQ people and our families.

In Kalamazoo, Mich., a landslide of voters - 65 percent - shouted "NO!" to the right's effort to be able to legally fire or refuse housing to us.

Throughout the country, and in some surprisingly moderate-to-conservative places, out lesbian and gay candidates did very well.

They range from Annise Parker's first-place finish in the Houston mayoral race to victories for out candidates for city councils in Detroit; St. Petersburg, Fl.; Akron, Ohio; Salt Lake City; and Maplewood, Minn. The mayor of Chapel Hill, N..C., is now the openly gay Mark Kleinschmidt. On a day when the fear of gays in schools helped defeat marriage equality in Maine, voters in Canton, Ohio, elected openly gay Eric Resnick to the Canton Board of Education.

I have no real answers about the true meaning of these results, but I do have some first thoughts.

**Some folks are already saying that we should give up on or de-emphasize marriage equality, but I don't buy that. I personally believe that marriage is too important to the safety and security of our families for us to back off. Also, civil rights struggles are measured in decades, even centuries, and the marriage fight is still young. I believe we will never have full equality until people can see us as being fully human, and being fully human includes the right to marry.

**The temptation is great to find a scapegoat for the loss in Maine. Some will target the No on 1 campaign. By all accounts, the No on 1 campaign did a good job. Nate Silver (no relation) may well be right when he notes:

I certainly don't think the No on 1 campaign can be blamed; by every indication, they ran a tip-top operation whereas the Yes on 1 folks were amateurish. But this may not be an issue where the campaign itself matters very much; people have pretty strong feelings about the gay marriage issue and are not typically open to persuasion.

Where I differ from Nate is the idea that voters can't eventually be shifted on marriage. I think they can and they must.

**Some are already attacking Barack Obama and the DNC-controlled Organizing for America for failing to rally voters to vote no in Maine. I personally suspect that if Obama, or OFA had intervened, they may well have moved the vote a bit in our favor. Whether that would have been enough for us to win is unknown. All of which means nothing about how I think we should approach Obama and the DNC. I say hold their feet to the fire. Enough is enough.

**Our losses show that we're still politically weak, particularly on the issue of marriage, but our victories show that we're gaining strength. The success of openly lesbian and gay candidates is a clear sign that bigotry is beginning to go out of fashion.

I'll be keeping a close watch on the run-off election in Houston. Conventional wisdom would normally make Parker the front runner, but we'll have to wait and see if voters flinch at the last minute at the idea of having a lesbian as mayor.

I have no patience anymore. I am sick to death of people voting on my rights, on my humanity. I agree with David Mixner that we now live in an unacceptable state of apartheid with one set of laws for heterosexuals and another set of laws for the rest of us.

And yet, I've lived long enough to see that even yesterday's decidedly mixed results show progress. There was a time when any victory for lesbians and gays was unthinkable. Yesterday an entire state gave us a victory, and even though it wasn't the ultimate victory on marriage that we need, it was still a win. Conservative, little Kalamazoo stood up to say discrimination is wrong. Running as an out candidate was once political suicide, particularly in places like Texas and Ohio, but look at all our victories.

Is the glass half full or half empty? Do we give up or fight on? Should we change our tactics or strategy? What do you think?

(An earlier version of this was posted at Bilerico.)

Obama signs hate crimes bill

In the long, hard struggle for equality for LGBT Americans, this one bill doesn't come close to doing enough, but it's a start. That is a very good thing, indeed. And yes, I'm smiling and tearing up a bit as I write this.

Equality Now

Great video of Sunday's National Equality March in DC. Made me cry and hope.

The National Equality March & my worrisome worries

Over at Bilerico, I'm worrying about whether the National Equality March was as much a success as it seemed at first.

By almost any measure, Sunday's National Equality March was a roaring success, yet the true impact of the march can't be judged by what happened on Sunday. The true measure is what happens today, tomorrow and the day after.

The Dawn of LGBT Equality

My latest post at Bilerico...

Sometimes I wonder if we'll miss the moment when the LGBT revolution really does arrive. Many, myself included, have always expected that moment to come with cheers and back slapping as equal rights legislation finally becomes law. Others may be looking for the election of the first gay president or the installation of the first lesbian member of the U.S. Supreme Court.

I have a funny feeling, though, that I just saw the revolution dawn, and it didn't happen in Washington, D.C. The revolution arrived this past Saturday in Lawrence, Kan., inside the home of the senior pastor of the oldest church in the state. Read more.

Fairness, respect -- the Maine way, the American way

I love this ad from Equality Maine. This is how we tell the truth and push effectively for equality.

Anchorage mayor tells lesbians & gays: Don't worry, be happy

Mayor Dan Sullivan vetoed a bill that would have protected the citizens of Anchorage from discrimination on based on sexual orientation. His argument appears to be:

(a) What discrimination? There's no stinking discrimination!
(b) Lot's of folks don't like this bill, and boy, that's scary.

Equality supporters are one-vote short of being able to override the mayor's veto.

And so it goes. My sympathies to the citizens of Anchorage.

The moral failure of conservatives

Everything you ever wanted to know about why same-sex marriage benefits society.

One other comment... I'm in awe of Jonathan Rauch of the National Journal. I thought I was a good writer until I read this piece. Beautiful.

Political IQ: Hate Crimes & Congressional Farce

In my latest column, I consider how the twisted path of one bill provides a preview of our future fate in Congress.

Get ready to laugh. I'm going to lead you through the twists and turns of one of the most ridiculous places known to humankind: the U.S. Congress. The purpose of this exercise is to explain what has happened to the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act. But I have a deeper goal. Read more.

Gay rights passes in Sarah Palin's backyard, but will it stick?

The Anchorage city assembly has voted to make it illegal in the city to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, but the vote fell one short of the super majority needed to overturn a possible veto by the mayor. So far, the mayor won't say what he plans to do.

Marriage Equality: Maine can be won, but only if we act now

Kerry Eleveld weighs in on the similarities and differences between Maine's Proposition 1 and California's Proposition 8. The key difference: Maine looks winnable, but that won't happen if LGBT America and our straight allies sit on our hands.

Crossing our fingers for the state of Washington

The LGBT blogosphere is bubbling with cautious optimism that the antigay effort to overturn a new domestic partnership law in Washington might fail. Signatures on the necessary petitions are being counted, and it appears that many are being found wanting. But it's still too soon to declare victory. As for me, I tend to be a pessimist in these things. I'm thrilled when the antigay right falls on its collective faces, but I never expect it.

Participate in the Census: Why Our Families Must Be Counted

Our Families Count is a new educational effort designed to prompt LGBT people to be out in the 2010 census. Outing yourself on the census is an important step in helping us all win equality. Here's why.

Today's Must Read: Eating ourselves alive won't repeal California's Prop 8

If you want to repeal the Proposition 8 ban on marriage equality, you need to read the reports of Karen Ocamb, news editor of IN Los Angeles magazine. Ocamb is the only full-time reporter who attended the leadership summit in Los Angeles on July 25, and her reports provide context and detail that other blog posts lacked.

Her reports also show that that California's LGBT community is in trouble if it really wants to overturn the ban on same-sex marriage. Part of the problem comes from the complexity and difficulty of the task itself, and part of the problem comes from divisions within the community.

Ocamb has the best perspective I've seen so far on what happened in LA. I'm going to quote her at length because I think what she says is so important. (I've added emphasis.)

The real problem, from my perspective, is that right now - and for the past seven months - the acrimony among institutional leaders and grassroots activists is only deepening. It's as if all the 8hate has been turned inward - we are the enemy, anyone who is not immediately, completely, absolutely with us now and forever more.

The rivers could part and a charismatic general who meets everyone's leadership criteria could emerge carrying unlimited funds and access to the latest technology and voter data bases - and still we'd fight and hurl nasty invective at our LGBT enemy in public - and do it with a self-satisfied sneer.

I was disappointed that no one during the entire seven hours talked about how the issue of marriage is "different" from any other social issue - different enough to enable a constitutional scholar such as Barack Obama to deny his previous belief in full equality and now embrace separate-but-equal civil unions because "God is in the mix." But one principle that both sides called for and all the consultants cited as necessary to win - was unity.

It seems to me that the first step to winning back marriage equality is finding a mediator who can help this community find common ground and learn to keep our eye on the prize so we can move forward together. There are now so many LGBT folk who want to be leaders - let this be their first real test of leadership: find a way to bring us together.

I know what it feels like to be in a losing campaign, and to be in the middle of a firestorm as the community attacks itself. I was at the center of the same kind of fury after LGBT Kansans lost a similar vote in 2005. The anger and frustration -- and the need to scapegoat someone -- was enormous, and this happened in a state where few thought we ever had a real chance of winning. I can only imagine how much more painful it is to be in California right now and to have lost when so many thought victory was at hand.

But as Ocamb said this is the moment when real leadership has to arise. No matter how much it hurts, how angry we are and how much we want to find someone to blame, we have to transcend those feelings and find a way to work together. Without unity within the LGBT community and with our pro-equality allies in California and in the rest of the nation, we will all fail. By attacking each other, we are doing the homophobes work for them.

Please read each of Ocamb's reports. They're posted on Bilerico:

• What Really Happened at the Repeal Prop 8 Summit
• Repeal Prop 8 Summit: The Expert Point of View
• The Unnoticed Power Player at the Repeal Prop 8 Summit

By the way, I met Ocamb through the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association, and I respect her work. She has more than 30 years experience as a journalist, having started her career at CBS News in New York. She eventually became a producer, leaving CBS after producing coverage of the 1984 Olympics for CBS affiliates.