The value of all American families

My newest opinion column is up at The Progressive.

Monday marks the 10th anniversary of the day Vermont instituted civil unions for same-sex couples. In the ensuing years, thousands of Americans have begun to hope that they and their children could become legally secure.

Today the hope remains, but the promise of security remains unfulfilled, and it is the children who suffer. More

Kleenex time for same-sex couples in Washington, D.C.

The first same-sex couple has been married in our nation's capital. Time for the tissues and the hankies because who wouldn't feel a tear coming on at such an event?



I also have to admit that hearing the Lord's Prayer and other Christian language at Angelisa Young and Sinjoyla Townsend's wedding goes a long way towards healing my anger at Christianity. It's easy to forget that the religion itself isn't inherently nasty; it's just that some of those who claim to be Christian are.

The Washington Post profiled the happy couple.

The absurdity of marriage bans

This is the much-watch video of the week. On Wednesday, a woman named Kitty Lambert and her long-time life partner attempted to get a marriage license at the Buffalo, N.Y., City Clerk's office. They were denied, but watch what happened next.



Under the law in most of this country, all one needs to get married are two warm, adult bodies of the opposite gender, yet same-sex couples are denied marriage no matter how long they've lived together, no matter how deep their relationship, no matter how many children they have, no matter how much their children will be hurt by the fact that their parents can't marry. This absurd, destructive discrimination has got to end.

Nate Silver finds an, ah, silver lining in a recent same-sex marriage poll

The blogosphere's favorite numbers cruncher digs an interesting stat out of recent Gallup poll. If you ask people about same-sex marriage in a certain way, you get a positive response.

When USA Today asks whether gay marriage is a private decision, or rather whether government has the right to pass laws which regulate it, 63 percent say it's a private decision. This contrasts significantly with all other polling on gay marriage.

What if we all voted on your marriage?

This is too good not to share. Here's the video Gary Bachamn recommended.

Too gloomy on marriage?

I just completed a Political IQ column for Q Syndicate on how Iowa and Vermont aren't turning the political tide on marriage, at least not yet. I still stand by my conclusions, but now I'm beginning to wonder if my not-yet-published op-ed is a little too gloomy. Signs of hope come from today's New York Times and the Des Moines Register of the ho-hum, isn't-this-boring nature of the first day of same-sex marriages in Iowa.

Top this off with a nice helping of Adam Nagourney following up the week-old story about GOP misgivings on using gay marriage as a wedge issue, and you've got more than a little reason to be optimistic.

Was I too gloomy, or does a lack of screaming merely mean that people are regrouping before attacking again?

I'll be interested to hear what people think of the column.

Cross your fingers & say a prayer for marriage equality

Today and tomorrow are big days for those of us looking for equality for our families.

The Vermont House votes on a bill legalizing same-sex marriage today. The Republican governor says he intends to veto the bill, but it has already passed the state Senate with enough votes to overturn a veto. The proposal is expected to pass the House, but the key test will be the number of votes. Will there be enough to override and make this law?

The Iowa Supreme Court will issue its long awaited ruling on marriage equality tomorrow, probably at 8:30 a.m. CDT. If the court rules for equality, Iowa will become the first Midwestern state to allow same-sex couples to marry. If that happens, I see Iowa getting a lot of marriage business from Kansas, Nebraska, et al.

Finally, a warm hug to Sweden, which just legalized same-sex marriage. The new law goes into effect May 1.

Let's say you're married & your husband collapses

Follow me through this Monday hypothetical... You've been married for 17 years, and you're in Florida to take a cruise with your husband and children. Your husband is 39 years old and healthy as a horse, but suddenly he collapses, and you and the children are off to the hospital for a terrifying day.

Here's the tragedy: Your husband dies of a brain aneurysm that no one knew he had.

Here's the horror: The hospital refuses to let you into the room with your husband for eight hours. Let me say that again... for EIGHT HOURS, you can't hold his hand, you can't tell him you love him, you can't talk to the doctors, you can't stand by his side, you can't do anything except protest in the lobby. All because you aren't legally married in the eyes of this hospital and this state.

Here's another terrifying reality: You even have a medical power of attorney, but the hospital and it's staff still won't let you see your husband until a priest is performing last rites.

This happened to Janice Langbehn and her children. She was kept from seeing the love of her life, Lisa Marie Pond, as Lisa was dying. Janice was kept from her love's side for no other reason than the fact that the hospital, the state of Florida and some decidedly cruel individuals didn't like the idea of two women loving each other.

This didn't happen 50 years ago. It happened in February 2007.

This didn't happen in a tiny town and a tiny hospital in Kansas. It happened at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami, Fl.

And antigay activists claim that all same-sex couples need to protect their families are a few contracts like a medical power of attorney. Yup, that certainly worked here.

And antigay activists claim that banning marriage equality doesn't hurt a soul. Yup. No wounds here. No darn-near dying alone as your spouse clamored to be let in. No children crying in a waiting room. There's nothing to see here. Step away from the tears, and the blood and the emotional wounds that may never heal.

Obama's marriage flip flop

I'm sorry to say that I wasn't surprised by the news that Barack Obama once publicaly supported same-sex marriage and now, of course, has flopped in the other direction. Call it the cynic in me.

I can't claim to read our president-elect's mind. However, I can guess that no major presidential candidate -- or president -- will support marriage equality until the LGBT community has the grassroots power to protect our supporters and defeat our opponents. It's a political law of nature every bit as strong as gravity. I wrote about this problem, and my assessment of Obama's political temperament in a column in July.

FYI, The Windy City Times provides historical context for Obama's early support for marriage equality.

Jan. 12: Today in Gay

I'm experimenting with what I hope will be a regular roundup of the most important, interesting and/or funky news of the day in LGBT America. Think of this as an extremely idiosyncratic queer front page.

Under the category of We Always Meant to Do This (and do attach a chagrined look to this link), Obama has given a role in the inauguration to openly gay Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson. (For anyone who has been living under a rock: See Rick Warren.) As Ezra Klein very astutely notes:

Yeah. I'm sure the two (outrage over Warren and appointing Robinson) had nothing to do with each other. They just didn't want to announce Robinson till after they'd endured a month of harsh criticism and a thousand calls from furious gay donors threatening to withhold support from the party and an outpouring of anger from those who'd worked endlessly for Obama's nomination. All part of the plan. Sure guys.

Political Animal weighs in Robinson's role and reports on the growing lists of progressive pastors now involved in the inauguration.

Saturday marked another day of protest over Proposition 8. Karen Ocamb reports on the happenings in Los Angeles. The MSM reports on the Pittsburgh rally. Attendance at these rallies seems down from the Nov. 15 protests and other early demonstrations. My concern is that Stonewall 2.0 may sputter because the new activists are not coming up with a 2nd act. (Act 1 of the play: Take to the Streets. Act 2... um...) My feeling is that without political action, protests can be a dead end. Wockner is more optimistic as he rounds up news reports via Google News. The online organizers, Join the Impact, continue to push forward.

This is a teeny bit stale, but still news... Obama's incoming Press Secretary Robert Gibbs says our new president WILL keep his word to get rid of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell ban on gays in the military. Gibbs' comment comes at 4:21 in this video. This sounds great. I love the short, sweet answer, but words mean little, especially now that the campaign is over. It's time to govern. What I want to see is action. On the other hand I'm reasonable. I'll settle for a timeline and a plan.

Disgraced pastor Ted Haggard says he's "heterosexual with issues" as a new HBO documentary chronicles Haggard's fall. (Note that the documentary is by Nancy Pelosi's daughter, Alexandra Pelosi.)

A candidate for Republican National Committee chair claims we can all be "cured" of our gayness. My question: Can he be "cured" of his straightness?

Finally, a mental health break from the satirical site 23/6 video. For those of you, like me, who vividly remember those awful school films from the Fifties, this is truly eerie.

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Today's Must See: "You don't have to marry a man."

Jon Stewart vs. Mike Huckabee. Score for Stewart!

Queers, Blacks & more Proposition 8 postmortems

I found New York Times columnist Charles Blows' piece on Proposition 8 to be both interesting and unsettling. But I couldn't figure out why it worried me so much until Pam Spaulding came to the rescue. Among her many criticisms:

I think Blow makes another serious mistake with the first suggestion -- we cannot throw up our hands and cede a "religious beliefs" or bible-based excuse to those who don't support marriage equality. The Right and black religious conservatives don't own religion. There are black leaders of faith who do support equality, and they need to be front and center and supported by the LGBT community to do outreach.

However, she also praises Blow, making a point that I heartily endorse.

Blow's piece is full of flaws, but the premise that we haven't engaged or challenged wrong-headed beliefs of a community on terms it can relate to is correct.

Pam's entire post is worth reading. Thanks to Pam for quoting my most recent column, but I'm also sending her even greater thanks for writing about her own clearly written perspective on the issue and for highlighting Jim Toevs' words of wisdom.

Continuing Election Postmortems: What the No On Prop 8 leaders say

Towleroad has posted an audio recording of a recent 90-minute panel discussion by leaders of the No on Prop 8 campaign. This is required listening for anyone who wants to understand why the campaign did what it did.