I know this is a blog about goodness, but I believe we have to look at evil to understand good, particularly when that evil is couched in terms of righteousness. The Rev. Fred Phelps commits evil every day, and he does it in the name of good and God. This post looks into the heart of that evil, and links to a description of the details of life in the Hell on Earth that Phelps has created for his family. This is one of the reasons why I feel compassion for his children and grandchildren. For years now, I’ve thought that the only thing worse than being picketed by Fred Phelps and his family would be to be one of them.
The Rev. Fred Phelps claims to speak for God, and today the Westboro Baptist Church preacher gets to make his case to the U.S. Supreme Court. A friend noted this morning that all the media attention is probably a dream come true for Phelps.
I suspect she’s right, but I’ve watched Phelps and the Westboro Church for 25 years now. I live quite close to them in Kansas. Whatever joy today brings, I think their dreams and their lives must be hell on earth. Let me explain.
Once again the Phelps family and their Westboro Baptist Church are going to picket a high profile funeral. (This time of actor Heath Ledger.) Once again people are outraged by what the Phelps family says.
This scene has been played out over and over and over and over again, and it will keep being played out until people do the only thing you can do when children throw a tantrum -- ignore them.
Even though every Phelps outrage brings a flood of visitors to this blog, I hereby declare my independence from that sad, sad family.
To my visitors wondering about the Phelps and how to stop them: Nothing WILL stop them, but you can turn your collective backs. When I liken the Phelps to children throwing a tantrum, I'm not kidding.
I live close to the Phelps in Kansas and have watched them for two decades. They -- and Fred especially -- are not only rage-a-holics, but they thrive on attention. Their entire goal is to get you to drop everything and look at them.
It's time to stop letting the Phelps win.
Join me. Meet the Phelps with turned backs and silence.
And if you really must learn more about them, look here. To see a debate between a Phelps family member, me and others, look here.
Because Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church keep claiming that someone bombed their church, it's time to revisit the details of what exactly did happen in 1995.
On Aug. 20, 1995, an explosive device of some sort went off in the driveway of a house occupied by one of Phelps’ daughters. No one was injured and property damage was small. A year later, a man was sentenced to 16 days in jail for the blast.
Wow. A federal judge in Baltimore has rejected a second attempt by the Westboro Baptist Church to derail a defamation lawsuit. This means the case against the funeral picketing of Fred Phelps' church will likely go to trial in October.
Personally, I think the Phelps treatment of their children is appalling, but I doubt very much if this charge will stick. ------------ PHOTO: Shirley at her best.
You can’t be gay and not know about Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan. Actually, it’s hard to be alive and not know about the church, and its ever-present protests at the funerals of troops killed in Iraq.
Their latest infamy (as of the date of this column) is a threat to picket the funerals of those murdered at Virginia Tech. Perhaps by the time you read this, the Phelps will have made good on their threat. They almost always do.
The LGBT community has been dealing with Westboro’s vileness for 20 years. The Phelps Gang – and the 70 church members are largely family – first gained notoriety for picketing anything in Kansas they thought was gay. That included a performing arts center and a Topeka restaurant where blue-haired grandmothers met for lunch.
I ran into the Phelps my first week in Kansas. They were picketing the KU Union for a reason that remain obscure. What stuck in my mind was their sign declaring: “Bob Dole Gay!”
I had two reactions. First: “Huh?” Second was an outraged cry of “Dole isn’t one of ours; we won’t take him!”
Their reasons for claiming Dole was gay, their pickets at the funerals of soldiers, and the victims of AIDS and murder makes little sense, and I’m not going to repeat it here.
As absurd as the Phelps seem, though, there is nothing funny about the fact that they picket funerals. They hurt people at the most vulnerable moments of their lives.
As decent human beings, how should we respond to their awfulness? Should we heap as much venom on them as they heap on us? Should we limit their right to speak? Should we throw things at them?
In the decades I’ve been around their pickets, I’ve seen all those methods attempted. I personally tried arguing with Margie Phelps once outside the Lied Center at KU. I’ve shouted at them.
Once in Lawrence, I slowly walked into the middle of their protest and stood surrounded by their fury for what seemed like an eternity, thereby terrifying my friends. I have never quite understood why I did that. Perhaps I needed to stand in the middle of all that hate and know I could survive.
After the Virginia Tech shootings, many people visited my blog to read about the Phelps and vent. So far, I’ve deleted three comments listing their personal phone numbers. These commentators exhorted people to harass the Phelps by phone and “let them know how much you disapprove of them.”
I deleted those comments because I don’t endorse harassing anyone, even people who have done so much to hurt others.
From a practical point of view, nothing anyone can say or do will change these people’s minds. By harassing them, people give the Phelps “proof” that the world outside their church is hateful and full of anger. (And yes, I know they prompt that anger, but we’re not talking about rationality here.)
If the purpose of such harassment is to inflict as much pain on them as they heap on others, then I have to not-so-gently suggest that this is a lousy idea. If we act like them, we are no better than they are. By focusing on name calling and anger, we also descend into the same hell the Phelps inhabit. That’s not a place where I want to live.
Like many, I’ve thought about the fact that family patriarch Fred Phelps is not young. Someday soon it will be time for his funeral. Wouldn’t it be sweet justice if all the people from all the funerals Westboro has ever picketed show up that day? Perhaps they could hold obscene signs and jeer like the Phelps do.
As hateful as the Phelps are, that doesn’t feel right. All of us deserve to be treated decently.
Even the man who preaches hate deserves to be given love once in his life. ----------- This column was originally published in The Liberty Press in May 2007. Regular blogging will resume after Memorial Day.
Not funny says Warner/Chappel Music Inc about a recent YouTube parody by the Fred Phelps clan. The company administers the copyright for "We Are the World." The Phelps family twisted that uplifting tune into a not-funny parody condemning the world. (And no, I'm not linking to it.)
Even though I agree with Warner/Chappel's disgust at the Phelps parody, I don't think the company can win this fight. As I understand it, and I am no expert, the law on parody allows anyone to use a well-known tune in this way.
I will be very happy if someone tells me I'm wrong.
To no one's surprise, the Westboro Baptist Church is planning to picket Jerry Falwell's funeral. They do it to get attention, which is why I'm not linking to their site. If you really want to find it. I'm sure you can just Google around a bit.
The Phelps act like little children throwing a temper tantrum. This gets attention, so they do it.
If you're confused by the logic of this, given Falwell's history of hate speech and opposition to fairness for gays, don't try to figure it out. These are emotional children who are in a lot of pain throwing a temper tantrum.
By the way, I doubt if patriarch Fred Phelps will be there. He might, but he hasn't traveled much to these protests in the last few years.
I hear where he's coming from, but at the same time he is just giving them reasons to keep escalating. Every time they make a threat like this, they get air time. Why in heaven's name should they stop doing it? Why should they also top picketing funerals? This is a gold mine for the Phelps.
Actually, it's also a gold mine for Gallagher, who by the way, is also a Fox News contributor and gets a huge PR boost every time he does this.
The last time Gallagher turned over his show to Shirley Phelps was in 2006. That time the deal was that they would not picket the funerals of the Amish girls shot in their school. I agree with Richard Roeper, who wrote in 'o6 that this amounts to giving into spiritual terrorists.
What I find much more interesting and hopeful than Gallagher's stunt is the grassroots efforts of the nearly 45,000 individuals who signed an online petition against the Phelps.
Reading these people's comments gives me hope. Watching a radio host turn his show into a PR stunt and a platform for a spiritual terrorist does not. ------- PHOTO: Shirley Phelps with her favorite 9/11 sign.
Just to be a complete, I'm going to post a link to AmericaBlog, which has linked to a video Fred Phelps' Westboro Baptist Church has just released on YouTube. it is the usual Phelpsian hate, spewed at loving people who are trying to do nothing more than live their lives. There is nothing new here. I' m not linking directly, well, because I'm just tired of them.
I finally forced myself to do something I've been avoiding. I've done it because the Phelps clan and the Westboro Baptist Church have already said they're going to picket the funerals of those killed at Virginia Tech.
Because of that statement -- that horror really -- many people have been coming to this blog. I think they are coming to try to fathom why someone would be so hateful as to inflict more pain on those already drowning in grief.
That long-avoided task was to watch the recent BBC documentary, the Most Hated Family in America. I've posted the first part of that film, the rest can be found at YouTube, and I urge you to go and watch it all.
I decided it was time to see if Louis Theroux and his BBC crew captured something about the Phelps that I'd never seen.
I can't say I know them. I'm not certain anyone does who isn't in their church, but I have bumped into them on and off for the past 20 years. I live in a neighboring town. I'm active in gay rights in Kansas and have been around their picketing many times. I worked for a candidate who ran for governor against Fred Phelps. I know many people who live in their neighborhood.
After watching the documentary, I came to a couple of conclusions.
The Phelps are not only the most hated family in America, they are also the saddest. I've always suspected this, but watching this film brought it all home.
Their children are isolated and constantly indoctrinated. They appear to be loving to each other, but have no real friends outside of their family and church (about 70 folks, almost all family members.) They think they're living in the end time, and the young women of the family probably won't marry. A 21-year-old had to ask her mother for permission to have coffee with the filmmaker and his crew, and Mom said no.
And Fred, oh, Fred. I've met him on and off over the years. Once I met him when I was a reporter and he was being nice because he wanted a story. (He had no idea I was gay then.) I met him when he did a TV debate with the other candidates running for governor in the 1994 Democratic primary.
Fred was a smart and quick-witted man. He was always hateful, but he was never slow. The man in that film, though, could only reply with set phrases. Fred could only read his sermon.
It's clear from this film that Fred isn't well. I'm guessing that his mind is failing and that's why he avoided talking at length with the BBC interviewer. I simply don't think Fred could keep up. Of course, I have no proof of this. Call it a hunch, though.
Fred's preaching seems the same as it has always been. The BBC interviewer put it right in saying that the church was based on the ranting of a "rageholic." Fred has always been almost incomprehensible in his fury, and it is sad to see how the whole family spouts his ideas.
These people, particularly the younger generation, are trapped. If they are to continue to be part of their family, to have contact with brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, aunts and uncles and grandparents, they must play along with the church. They have to picket. They have to be hateful to others. In being so awful, they get hate and anger thrown back at them. All of this makes them even more isolated.
Think about how hard it would be to cut yourself completely off from your family. I know people do it, but such an action is never without cost. No wonder it's so hard for Phelps kids to walk away.
I do know of some who have done it. I know of at least one who climbed out of a window to escape and then into the car of an acquaintance of mine, and yes, I've heard the story first hand. The film shows one young woman naming those of her generation who have left the family.
In the end, though, understanding the trapped horror of this family won't mend the hearts of those attending funerals. I understand the anger that people want to vent. I know some people have tried to do that on this blog.
All I can say is that there is an illness in the Westboro Baptist Church. Because we live in a free society with a First Amendment, we can't stop them from speaking. However, we can do our best not to add to the hate and the anger the Phelps put into the world.
So if they do picket the VT funerals, I suggest that you do something Jesus did, and turn the other cheek. (Yes, I know it's a horror, but do you really want to focus on your fury at them instead of giving love to those who need it?)
Put as many people as you can between the Phelps and the funeral. You should probably have those people sing because the Phelps' love to sing their hateful songs. Surround the funeral with love, layers of love. At all costs, don't engage any of the Phelps. You will never change their minds, and you'll walk away feel like you're covered in slime.
Wikipedia has a good article on Fred. It talks, among many other things, about how he was disbarred for abusing witnesses. I've skimmed the article and it looks accurate, although I haven't confirmed every detail.
I'm not linking to their site because the Phelps clan gets enough publicity already. True to form they are using the tragedy at Virginia Tech to preach hate.
The family's main spokesperson, Shirley Phelps-Roper, argues that because our entire nation does not agree with the Phelps' nasty version of Christianity, the students who died at Virginia Tech are not innocent. Shirley says it was God's judgement that they should die. This material is in their "Featured" section in "Dear Shirley."
Where to begin with this insanity?
The Westboro Baptist Church in neighboring Topeka, Kan., is largely made up of the Phelps family and a few others. The latest estimates I see are place the size of the church at about 70 members. While not being an overwhelmingly liberal place, Topeka largely loathes the Phelps.
Here's the bottom line of the Phelps' theology: You can't understand God's love until you understand God's hate. To them, God is a horrible, violent creature, a kind of ultimate abusive father who must be placated at all cost or else he will destroy you.
They thrive on attention, and I'm sorry to say that I've given them more of that.
Like a child throwing a temper tantrum, they escalate their outrageous behavior if people don't pay attention. Hence, when folks started ignoring their picketing of the funerals of AIDS victims, they picketed the funerals of troops killed in Iraq.
They thrive on hurting others, claiming they do it in the name of God. (That's a twisted God for you.)
My feeling has always been that the only thing worst than being picketed by the Phelps would be to be them. Can you imagine growing up with such hate and living with it every day?
The Phelps have announced they will picket the funerals of the Virginia Tech victims.
--------------------- I've been watching my traffic logs, and I'm surprised at what I'm seeing. I'm getting a lot of hits from people who are getting to this blog via a Google search for some combination of Fred Phelps, Westboro Baptist Church and something about the Virginia Tech shootings.
This is an honest question: Why are you combining these terms in your search?
However, at this point I know of nothing about Phelps or Westboro that connects with the shootings. Are you expecting him to picket the funerals of those who died? It wouldn't be a surprise if Westboro did this. It would fit their pattern of picketing the funerals of gays, those who have died of AIDS and soldiers killed in Iraq.
I pray that Westboro and the Phelps clan don't add to the horror again. I wouldn't put it past them. So far, though, I haven't seen any report that they plan on doing that.
I hate to send anyone to their web site, but if they decide to picket any VT funerals, they'll post it at www.godhatesfags.com. Do NOT visit this site unless you are ready to be drenched in hate! It's a pretty vile place.
If anyone has questions about the Phelps, I'll be glad to provide whatever answers I can. If anyone can clue me in as to any other reason why people are connecting them with this horrible tragedy, I'd be interested to know.
My prayers to all tonight, and especially to those at Virginia Tech. What a horror. I pray that the Phelps don't add to it.
Why am I not surprised? On the day Fred Phelps' home governor signs a bill restricting funeral protests into law, Fred's church is off picking a funeral of a soldier killed in Iraq. This time the Westboro Baptist Church is in Norman, Oklahoma.
Gov. Kathleen Sebelius has signed the bill regulating funeral picketing. We'll see what happens. The last time Kansas tried to do this, the law got tossed out by a court.
The fact that people would picket funerals -- anyone's funeral -- is appalling, but that's classic behavior for Fred Phelps and the handful of family and followers who attend his Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka.
[updated 4/2/07] It's a busy day in stormy Kansas, so here are a few interesting things to read while I meet some deadlines.
The BBC finds Topeka's Fred Phelps family to be "kind" and notes that "some of the girls look All American." The BBC's Louis Theroux thinks "Gramps" Fred is "a not very nice person," though.
The most shocking revelation of all is Theroux's claim that if I, as a lesbian, showed up at the Westboro Baptist Church, the Phelps wouldn't humiliate me or even be rude.
They'd shake their (gay) hand and welcome them in.
As someone who has lived near the Phelps for quite some time, my only comment is to say, ah, sure... And if said gay person believed in fairness and equality, then what would happen?
I've never been one of those folks who think the Phelps are demons. They are mere human beings who have been led astray, but forgive me if I don't buy what this fellow is saying. He seems amazed that the Phelps don't have horns and froth at the mouth. The ability to be nice to someone like Theroux who is publicizing their cause does not give them the ability to be kind to anyone else.
In more than 20 years, I haven't heard of any instances of the Phelps family being kind or charitable to others outside of their church.
Many churches, even fundamentalist anti-gay churches, are known for helping the poor, sending aid in times of disaster like Hurricane Katrina. I know of no instances when Westboro or the Phelps have done that. On the contrary, they have a reputation locally of being a tad disagreeable, even in person. (I know I'm painting with a broad brush here. Many apologies for that.)
I could well have missed something. If so, I hope that the wisdom of the blogosphere would send me some information about Westboro Baptist Church, the Phelps and how they have helped anyone besides themselves. Can you even send me one instance of when they've been kind or generous to others? If you don't want to comment in public, email me at hopeandpolitics@yahoo.com.
Also in the news...
Pam Spaulding interviews a former staff attorney for the virulently anti-gay American Family Association and finds that he isn't all that homophobic and never was.
Democrat Nancy Boyda of the Kansas 2nd District is on everybody's hit list, including Karl Rove's. Meanwhile, the state GOP is sending out emails to one and all (even ole' liberal me), noting the so-called horrible things Boyda is doing. To be fair, these Republican emails slam everything Democratic in Kansas.
The New York Times profiles the fate of an Iraqi widow, a Sunni Arab who resisted being thrown out of her home in a Shiite enclave in Baghdad, only to be shot to death the next day. And this happened during the surge that was supposed to make everyone safer.
An English-only bill in Kansas is stalled and near death, while an anti-bullying bill languishes in a conference committee as the regular session nears the end. Meanwhile, Kansas somehow has ended up entering the casino business. (Should I say this makes me nervous? It does. Yup, I believe in freedom and giving the people the right to gamble if they want it, but all gambling all the time can really ruin a neighborhood.)
Finally, I admit to being impressed. A 64-year-old blogger has financed her own trip to cover the war in Iraq. Darn. I wish I had that kind of moxie. ------- Photo: One of those All-American Phelps folk.
In This Moment is the personal blog of writer Diane Silver with occasional appearances by the amazing Nancy Jane Moore. And, yes Virginia, the concepts of hope and politics do go together.
