The horrible truth about gay marriage

The minute voters ripped the right to marry away from same-sex couples in Maine, the call rang out across LGBTQ America: Let's give up on marriage.

The defeat in Maine was horrible in itself, but it was even more galling because it came as voters in Washington state were on their way to approving an "everything-but-marriage" recognition of domestic partner rights.

On Bilerico and elsewhere bloggers declared their wish to pull out of the fight. Longtime activist Jeanne Córdova, for example, argued on her blog, The Lesbian World, that "the LGBT movement should stop wasting our precious funds and energy" on a losing, limited strategy.

"(I)t's time to re-direct the gay movement into fighting the real battle for civil rights in all 50 states," she wrote.

The sad reality is that there is truth in her argument. Not all lesbians, gays or bisexuals will marry. In many places, transgender people can't benefit from same-sex marriage. Almost everyone, though, needs a job.

The Employment Nondiscrimination Act will touch far more lives than marriage equality ever could. In most cities and states, companies can still freely discriminate against LGBTQ workers. ENDA would eliminate that outrage.

Meanwhile, careers and families would be saved by overturning the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" ban on LGB folks serving openly in the military. Not only does DADT grind up members of the service, it also destroys their families.

Because LGB soldiers can't be out, their spouses and children can't access any of the benefits or support heterosexual families receive. Deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan are particularly hellish. Service members can't list their spouses as next of kin. When closeted troops are wounded or killed, their same-sex partners may be the last to know. Other issues are equally important.

Giving up on marriage, though, would be the dumbest move LGBTQ America could ever make.

Leaving aside the debate on whether separate (domestic partnerships, civil unions) can ever be equal, we must remember that all civil rights struggles are about perception. The opposition wins on ENDA, DADT and the other important issues when same-sex-loving Americans are marginalized. Bigotry feeds on the lie that we're frightening and alien.

At the center of every battle for LGB equality is this struggle: Are same-sex-loving people predatory sex addicts - nothing like "normal" heterosexual people - or are they regular folk who love and care for their families? Marriage explodes these nasty stereotypes by making the truth of same-sex relationships visible.

Córdova and her colleagues in despair are wrong. Walking away from the marriage fight weakens the struggle on all fronts. Same-sex marriage isn't the only battle, but it is a key one. The horrible truth about gay marriage is clear: It's an issue fair-minded Americans dare not ignore.

Join the discussion on this post at Bilerico.

The Maine, Washington & elswhere electoral mess

Anyone who says they know exactly what yesterday's election means for the future of LGBTQ people is a blowhard and a liar. Yesterday's results were decidedly muddled.

Marriage equality lost yet again, this time in Maine. For anyone who's counting, and that is all of the MSM, that's 31 defeats for equality. Damn.

"Everything But Marriage" won in the state of Washington. The victory was narrow - 51.03 percent vs. 48.97 percent - but it was still a victory, of sorts, for LGBTQ people and our families.

In Kalamazoo, Mich., a landslide of voters - 65 percent - shouted "NO!" to the right's effort to be able to legally fire or refuse housing to us.

Throughout the country, and in some surprisingly moderate-to-conservative places, out lesbian and gay candidates did very well.

They range from Annise Parker's first-place finish in the Houston mayoral race to victories for out candidates for city councils in Detroit; St. Petersburg, Fl.; Akron, Ohio; Salt Lake City; and Maplewood, Minn. The mayor of Chapel Hill, N..C., is now the openly gay Mark Kleinschmidt. On a day when the fear of gays in schools helped defeat marriage equality in Maine, voters in Canton, Ohio, elected openly gay Eric Resnick to the Canton Board of Education.

I have no real answers about the true meaning of these results, but I do have some first thoughts.

**Some folks are already saying that we should give up on or de-emphasize marriage equality, but I don't buy that. I personally believe that marriage is too important to the safety and security of our families for us to back off. Also, civil rights struggles are measured in decades, even centuries, and the marriage fight is still young. I believe we will never have full equality until people can see us as being fully human, and being fully human includes the right to marry.

**The temptation is great to find a scapegoat for the loss in Maine. Some will target the No on 1 campaign. By all accounts, the No on 1 campaign did a good job. Nate Silver (no relation) may well be right when he notes:

I certainly don't think the No on 1 campaign can be blamed; by every indication, they ran a tip-top operation whereas the Yes on 1 folks were amateurish. But this may not be an issue where the campaign itself matters very much; people have pretty strong feelings about the gay marriage issue and are not typically open to persuasion.

Where I differ from Nate is the idea that voters can't eventually be shifted on marriage. I think they can and they must.

**Some are already attacking Barack Obama and the DNC-controlled Organizing for America for failing to rally voters to vote no in Maine. I personally suspect that if Obama, or OFA had intervened, they may well have moved the vote a bit in our favor. Whether that would have been enough for us to win is unknown. All of which means nothing about how I think we should approach Obama and the DNC. I say hold their feet to the fire. Enough is enough.

**Our losses show that we're still politically weak, particularly on the issue of marriage, but our victories show that we're gaining strength. The success of openly lesbian and gay candidates is a clear sign that bigotry is beginning to go out of fashion.

I'll be keeping a close watch on the run-off election in Houston. Conventional wisdom would normally make Parker the front runner, but we'll have to wait and see if voters flinch at the last minute at the idea of having a lesbian as mayor.

I have no patience anymore. I am sick to death of people voting on my rights, on my humanity. I agree with David Mixner that we now live in an unacceptable state of apartheid with one set of laws for heterosexuals and another set of laws for the rest of us.

And yet, I've lived long enough to see that even yesterday's decidedly mixed results show progress. There was a time when any victory for lesbians and gays was unthinkable. Yesterday an entire state gave us a victory, and even though it wasn't the ultimate victory on marriage that we need, it was still a win. Conservative, little Kalamazoo stood up to say discrimination is wrong. Running as an out candidate was once political suicide, particularly in places like Texas and Ohio, but look at all our victories.

Is the glass half full or half empty? Do we give up or fight on? Should we change our tactics or strategy? What do you think?

(An earlier version of this was posted at Bilerico.)

Fighting back in Maine

I don't know if Maine will win the vote for marriage equality, but the ads produced by the pro-equality organization, "No on 1," are doing a great job of educating the public about the true costs of anti-gay campaigns. As the ad says, "Attacks like these, hurt families."

Marriage Equality: Maine can be won, but only if we act now

Kerry Eleveld weighs in on the similarities and differences between Maine's Proposition 1 and California's Proposition 8. The key difference: Maine looks winnable, but that won't happen if LGBT America and our straight allies sit on our hands.

Prop 8 all over again? Maine marriage foes say they're victorious

Despite the recent legislative victory in Maine for same-sex marriage, the fight will go on in that state. And if LGBT Americans aren't careful, Maine will become a gut-wrenching re-run of California where same-sex marriage was a fleeting right that was taken away by Proposition 8. AP is now reporting that marriage foes say they have collected enough signatures to delay implementation of marriage equality in Maine and to force a statewide vote on the issue.

Political IQ, also known as the Red-Faced Express

Here's my latest column, entitled "The Tide Isn't Turning on Marriage."

I stand by everything I wrote in that Political IQ column, which was penned soon after Iowa and Vermont legalized same-sex marriage, and yet...to be honest... that glow you see is coming from my face.

Just a few weeks after I finished that column, we've added Maine to the ranks of states providing marriage equality, and New Hampshire will soon join the fold. The N.H. governor says he'll sign the bill legalizing same-sex marriage if lawmakers make a few changes. Box Turtle Bulletin has looked at those revisions.

Am I red faced? Oh yes. Do I believe the tide has turned on marriage? Well... damn, I hate go all Clintonesque, but that depends on what you mean by "tide."

Have the majority of states instituted marriage equality for same-sex couples? No.

Do same-sex couples have the same rights under federal law that heterosexual couples enjoy? Heck no.

Is something different in the air? Does this spring, which may well end with six states embracing equality, seem just a bit brighter than any we've seen a long time? Oh yeah.

What Round 2 will look like in Maine

What's next for Maine? The New York Times reports that a new law usually goes into effect in late June, but opponents can collect signatures to block any law and force a statewide vote.

Antigay forces must collect about 55,000 signatures within 90 days of legislative adjournment to put the question on the ballot. If they can reach that mark, then the state will vote on marriage equality in November of this year or June 2010.

Stay tuned, keep organizing. Let's not have a rerun of Proposition 8.

I went to breakfast & returned to find yet another state embracing marriage equality

Holy mackerel! There are now FIVE STATES where same-sex couples can marry. I'll admit it: I never expected to live to see such a day. Has sanity and compassion finally come to the United States? (or at least, New England?)

Maine Gov. John E. Baldacci this morning signed LD 1020, "An Act to End Discrimination in Civil Marriage and Affirm Religious Freedom." From the governor's office (emphasis added):

“In the past, I opposed gay marriage while supporting the idea of civil unions,” Governor Baldacci said. “I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law, and that a civil union is not equal to civil marriage.”

“Article I in the Maine Constitution states that ‘no person shall be deprived of life, liberty or property without due process of law, nor be denied the equal protection of the laws, nor be denied the enjoyment of that person’s civil rights or be discriminated against.’”

“This new law does not force any religion to recognize a marriage that falls outside of its beliefs. It does not require the church to perform any ceremony with which it disagrees. Instead, it reaffirms the separation of Church and State,” Governor Baldacci said.

“It guarantees that Maine citizens will be treated equally under Maine’s civil marriage laws, and that is the responsibility of government.”

The next question: Will anti-gay groups be able to force a statewide vote on the issue? Stay tuned.

The equality bandwagon rolls into Maine

The Maine Legislature Senate has just approved a bill legalizing same-sex marriage in the state.The bill faces a couple more votes, but versions of it have already passed both chambers of the legislature. the Maine House. No word, yet, on whether the governor will sign it to make Maine the fifth state to make marriage equal.

Wow.

Double wow, actually.

Today in Gay: The inauguration & ministers, race &, Proposition 8

--> Slate runs down the newly released and expanded list of pastors appearing in Barack Obama's inauguration. Slate also clarifies that the Rev. Joseph Lowery is pro-gay rights, but not pro-gay marriage. Previously, I and a lot of other folks reported that incorrectly. (Apologies!)

--> Bishop Gene Robinson talks to the New York Times about his role in the inauguration, while Rick Warren jabs gay folks and the Episcopal Church in the eye.

--> Atlantic blogger Ta-Nehisi Coates does a great job of debunking the early exit polls and showing, once again, that black voters were NOT the reason Proposition 8 passed. I agree heartily with his call for LGBT Americans to engage the black community in the debate over marriage. The comments to his post are worth reading.

--> Obama's appointments of LGBT folks seem to be building steam. We haven't broken into the sacrosanct inner sanctum of the cabinet, but we are gaining elsewhere. Today's news: John Berry as director of the Office of Personnel Management. For those of you keeping score, we now have five openly queer folk named to the Obama Administration. These also include:

• Fred Hochberg as head of the Export-Import Bank of the United States
• Brian Bond as the deputy director of the White House Office of the Public Liaison
• Nancy Sutley as chair of the White House Council on Environmental Quality
• Mark Dybul, an appointee under George W. Bush, who will stay on as the global AIDS ambassador

--> A study released by Freedom to Marry reports that state politicians who vote for marriage equality do get re-elected.

--> A marriage equality bill goes to the Legislature in Maine. Meanwhile, Indiana heads in the other direction.

--> A Tennessee hotel fires two gay men for the crime of being (a) gay and (b) talking about it.

--> Finally, under the category of Biggest Bummer of the Day, city commissioners in Kalamazoo, Mich., rescind their vote to protect their LGBT citizens from discrimination.